I think I'm gonna move on and pretend none of this ever happened... I'm pretty good at that

so I won't be missed.
I just realized after some time... I really am nothing here but a tool. And really nothing else to write. Even years ago. I never really wanted to ever return I just changed so much I never really knew how to quit. I am just starting to realize I have not place here... I wanted to build the server up and start it but starting to realize that for me its not happening. Not here.
I never was part of anything else. Maybe just a player, why I wanted to get new players. But as time looking at this place, and even seeing some other things. I'm kind of to a point were I do regret everything I have ever done here. It was different for me then others, and with the server going down originally affected me alot. But I was selfish. Now I am here writing shit no one really cares about.
Well, there goes the better part of my life; Shit. I guess I just can't take lying anymore; I always wanted to make something better and be apart of something but you see thats just it. I ain't apart of shit. I ain't shit. Just some tool on this place dying away, that when Koolio decides "hey I need to focus a little bit more on this" I will be tossed out like a pile of dogshit. Wasen't around before, so why should I matter now?
Its one thing to work on something and slowly progress, and understand. But realizing that its really not my place and no one remaining here gives to flying fucks about some crazy motherfucker having a rank. So I guess thats were I am at in my life.
I guess I gave more credit to zone I really should have... I used to love this place a lot more but recently I just feel like I am making a mistake. Like everyday here I feel worse and worse about life. I don't think thats positive anymore. Personally if I diden't realize my problems were a little more I might have just went to find another place; but hell why would I just repeat my self again? I always tried here to make it better.
Anyway, who ever might read; sorry if I cussed you out or whatever or just never wrote I just am not normal with conversations and don't know what people mean. I was never raised. Anyone else it was good to have helped/known you, as I just am feeling bad day after day. Ill still be here and want to help with the server; but i guess if you ask Koolio what happened to that thing; at least you know. And he does to

Its about me. Nothing with zone. I just realized after so much time thinking of what I could do; realizing what I have done. Not shit. Nothing for better. haha jokes on me. More and more I think I don't even want to be part of the server if Im just a novelty, throw away joke. Heck I would never mind not having a rank if systems were in place for players to enjoy and build from; but thats kind of part of the problem here for me.
Always thank mom/dad/grandparents/others for what they do for you or have done. Your friends and family. They are the most important things in life. No this shit. No brainer; right??